Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why I hate small towns and why you should never live in one

Small towns suck! For those friends and families who live in small towns and love them, please forgive me. I know not everyone is the same and that stereotypes don't fit all people. Unfortunately, mine and Lance's small town, rural area experience was a living nightmare. Here is a list of why I hate small towns and why you should never live in one.

1. They don't pick up roadkill. This is one of the first things I noticed in Orangeville. I'd see a dead skunk or deer on the side of the road in the winter when we moved there and by the time the next winter was approaching, it was still there! Who wants to see the "life" cycle of some dead animal on the road?

2. People hang dead cow carcases out to dry and freeze on trees in their front yard in the winter. Apparently for the locals, this is no big deal. However, all I could think was how glad I was Skye was only a baby and couldn't be disgusted or traumatized by it. Too bad I had to be.

3. The stereotype of small town gossip--people talking about each other all the time, knowing everyone else's business, and sticking their noses into everyone else's business is around for a reason--it's true! If you aren't a local, don't expect to ever be able to join in a conversation because all anyone does is talk about people they have known their whole lives because 99% of the population is from the small town and their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents are all from there and you have no idea who they are talking about because you don't know everyone in the whole stinkin' county because you just moved there. Oh, and don't expect for your life to be private because it won't be.

4. Locals treat you worse than dirt if you aren't family or a part of the clique of friends that have lived there their whole lives. They view you as outsiders and thus treat you like outcasts.

5. When the local children do horrible things to you and your baby for no reason at all, the local parents blame you, try to tell you that you are a horrible person and parent and that they are the best parents in the whole world with perfect children who never do anything wrong. You can't even take your own kid out to play without being mobbed by these parents and viciously attacked and emotionally abused.

6. They treat your husband like crap at work even though he has only done good things for the company he works for.

7. The lack of culture is enough to turn you into a caveman. Now if dinosaurs and softball fulfill your cultural needs and your child's cultural needs, a small town is definitely the place for you. But if you would like to go to the symphony, a play, a concert, museums (besides just dinosaur museums) and you would like to be able to expose your kids to these things without having to drive 2 to 3 hours to do it, don't live in a small town!

So there you have it. That is why I hate small towns, why I will never live in one again, why (as a concerned friend or family member) I don't think you should live in one, and why I am so very excited to be moving to a city soon.


Curtis & Elise said...

Wow, I feel for you. And I have to say, I love living in Ogden. I didn't think I would, but I do. I think I have it way better than I would in a small town. I'm happy to hear you are moving to a bigger city.

jennzech said...

I am sooo sorry that all happened to you!! I'm glad you're moving. I hope things work out better in Phoenix for ya!!