Lance is being deployed to Afghanistan in January. I wanted to write my thoughts on the subject and why I'm so angry and depressed about it.
First, he's not even in the active national guard anymore. He's in the inactive national guard, also known as the ready reserves, and they're sending him off two months before he would have been completely done with all things national guard. I was always made to believe that they don't pull people out of the reserves unless it's an extreme emergency like world war 3 breaking out. This is where my anger comes from.
Next, I'm not just sad because I'm not going to see him for a year, but because it puts on hold all our dreams that we thought would be fulfilled after moving to Utah. We were going to buy our first house. We've looked at several and found some that we really liked and that we could see ourselves living in. I thought we'd finally be in our own home in a couple of months. House prices are still good and so are interest rates. Who knows what could happen in a year and a half.
Something else I was looking forward to was spending more quality time with Lance. Our relationship really struggled while I was suffering from postpartum depression and we knew we'd be getting more alone time together here thanks to the support of family and friends. We'll have a few months now and then suddenly he'll be ripped away.
The last things that makes me sad and angry is that it messes with our plans to have another baby. We wanted to try and get pregnant again next summer. We've put it off a bit because we thought that's what was best for our family, but neither of us want to put it off that much longer. And I certainly don't want to try and get pregnant right now so that I'll have a baby while he's gone. His deployment screws up all our plans and dreams. I think I have a right to be upset by this.
My mom reminded me of a talk Elder Wirthlin (I think) gave entitled, "Come What May and Love It." I know I can get through this trial, but I also know it's okay for me to be sad about it. Why does everyone think I need to just get over it immediately? It's a big deal. One of the reasons we were put on this earth was to experience sadness and sorrow. If we didn't feel those things, we wouldn't know what happiness and love even were and we be completely innocent like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. So let me feel sad for a little while and then I can know the happiness.